amanda writes

Wax or Shave?

I guess life got a hold of me a few months back and i've been too busy living life to blog. I'd like that to be glamorous and cool but the truth is i've been getting paid to write so suddenly i had no time to write for fun.

I bet all chefs don't cook at home and hookers probably can't understand laying back without some sort of tip. When your skills get a monetary value suddenly you wield your pen and computer differently. but really that's no excuse.

So up here in the wilds of Canada it's finally stopped raining and gotten warm and i have finally bought the bikinis and come out of hiding. but the infernal dilemma of to wax of shave is again an issue.

I like lists but i'm not really a list person as in pros and cons but i am rather torn with this one.

shaving is quick, you pull out the Bic shave the bikini area and legs and you're pretty much good to go. Problem is you have to do the same thing three to four days later. which frankly that gets boring real quick.

Now despite what people say waxing really does sting and it can give you little red bumps that look like a communicable college disease, but the hair is gone and it lasts much longer than shaving. The dilemma?

you have to grow the hair in to wax it. So you spend part of weeks telling people you're hairing 'I'm growing it in..."

I don't care how nice other people are but explaining that the reason you've got a a crotch beard is that you're growing it out so that Helga can pull it all out in a few days - no body wants to know and it looks bad.

So every summer i start out waxing and then i get invited out to a beach party or a boat ride and well frankly I can't wait for Helga it's just got to be done and then well I'm back to shaving.

speaking of which what is up with skirts for bathing suits this year?

suddenly every bikini comes with a optional skirt to buy and wear - is it supposed to hide that you need to shave your bikini area, hide your fat ass, or your big thighs or all of the above? I say if you've got a big bum - flaunt it, and as for bikini hair issue - maybe we should just all go topless -then no one will notice we've got a hairy bikini....

I don't have big tits, but i love croissant

i love Paris. It truly does have that je ne sais quoi kind of special quality but then there are the more notable things that i like about Paris -it's people. I've heard the complaints about insufferable, snotty nosed servers who look at you with disgust and disdain - but truthfully the only french waiter i ever encountered like that was in New York.

After a recent trip to LA i realized that like many parts of the world there is a new breed of person, they're popping up from Johannesburg, to LA and these people have tweeked noses, colour altered hair, big sunglasses, little to no body hair and even larger tits, or calves as the case may be. You may be on Robertson and you see them from a far -and they look okay, perhaps even great, then they get closer and closer and they begin to look odd. It is as if there are a puzzle that a two year old has jammed together and the pieces don't quite fit.

I don't get it. I've never been a fame of fake, i get the whole you want to be attractive and look your best i'm not sure though why it needs to include multiple surgeries, and breasts that can leak internally. I've had the two kids and gosh i shave my legs and armpits, sometimes even wax, but i don't think women should be entirely hairless. To me that's a freaky as being too hairy. And what's with all this ball shaving?? I mean seriously are balls really that hairy?

The point i'm making is that I think all this crazy debt, fakery and faux tits and big sunglasses are all connected. People spend most of their time wanting and trying and kind of forget the actual living part. I have smallish boobs, always have and honestly i've never had any complaints and if i'd had any i would have told the guy to f8ck himself. I mean more than a handful is wasted on most people. And really if all your friends are noticing is the car you're driving, then they're not friends they're appraisers. Does any of it really matter. Plus there is the scary coincidence i've noticed, these Faux Peeps tend to talk about celebrities, dieting, man problems and shopping and not much else except gossip which leads me further to believe that the real reason they get the boobs and the hair and crap is because they really don't have much substance for for some bizarre reason they think Prada bags are more important than really connecting with someone. You can't really connect over a fat free latte while you talk about Britney Spears.

I hate to say it but i don't even really look at people all that much. I'd hate to think these people spend 45 grand on a new upper body and when they pass me all i'm thinking about is if i have lemons at home for that quinoa recipe i want to make....So i was watching pre superbowl advert about Visa cards and the song says 'i want it now.' seriously it's about a guy buying a large screen tv. What the dude really needs to buy is a book by Hemingway and a how to book on what exactly it means when your credit card debt is at an interest rate of 11%. You might want it now but you'll be paying for it forever.

All this is to say that i like myself and i don't have a new handbag or even a new haircut. I have small boobs and i've never had hair extensions. So yeah, i like the french because they're comfortable in their skin. The ladies there can have bigger noses, smaller boobs, no sunglasses, and yet they carry themselves with such grace because they like themselves they seem gorgeous in their imperfections. I think they might have crotch hair! vive la difference.

off to get a croissant.
a