Don't kiss me, write.

with the horrible red event looming; Valentines. I have decided to put a message out there on behalf of all us women who don't want roses or chocolates. Roses are pretty but they die, if you must buy flowers, and by must i mean you leave the 'thought' of valentines completely to the wayside and just have to pick something up quick so the wife/girl/lady friend doesn't bitch then buy something growing and alive. chocolates make people fat and most of them taste like crap.

Okay so i generally have never liked valentines gifts from men. My first one in grade seven at a really bad dance was given by a guy who thought kissing meant slobbering all over the girls face. It wasn't cute then and it stills runs shivers up my spine in the icky bad way. Then came the stuffed animal which frankly was almost worse than the spit. A bear holding a heart that i would have liked to shove done his smiling mouth . Small children like stuffed animals or at least some of them do and i suppose there are some nutters out there who liked stuffed animals and probably waste their money collecting them. Sadness. Stuffed animals are for small children, not your lover, not your girlfriend and certainly not someone you want a blow job from. yes i am aware of the man goal for valentines and it's not found in heart shaped box. The most you're going to get from a stuffed animal is a cuddle or a punch in the face if you know me...

anyway i won't lie and say money can't buy love because well we all know it can't really buy true love but it can be substituted for what you might get from love. Ie. you take the yacht because well it's a yacht and sure you wouldn't die for him, but you'd do pretty much anything else because well he gave you a yacht. Home in Paris, 5 plus carat diamond and small island can be substituted for said yacht but you know what i mean..anyone whose really been in love knows it more a pain in the ass than great so well avoiding it at all costs can be emotionally frigid but economically advantageous. terrible but true. love can hurt.

i'm not generally the kind of girl who is motivated by gifts. I like to work hard and get a paycheck but i believe you pay for everything you get and frankly the price with dudes who want to buy apartments and such is too high. i decided i was a good girl two years after university when a wealthy business man asked if he could buy me an apartment in new york and he'd visit once a week for 'business' while his wife and kids stayed in his home city. I politely declined. I'm not really the accommodating type.

So now with my lovely man and valentines around the corner i know what i want; a letter. a real love letter; not dirty talk masquerading as the 'real' deal and i actually abhor the word love generally; it's overused. People love waffles and veggie wraps and Britney Spears (or at least they did). What i want is a letter telling me not that i'm loved but why.

So there you go that's what i want for valentines a real, old fashioned, in dark ink letter - not an email, not an IM. And yes he could definitely seal it with a kiss.

a