amanda writes

i'm obsessed with the biggest loser

okay so i am finding myself watching fat shows more and more. I can't explain why, but that moment when the big guy or gal gets on the scale and finds out what all their restrictive eating and butt clenching has done for them is thrilling. I want them to lose double digits baby.
Ugh and they lost 3 pounds. Only three damn pounds...
did they sneak a chocolate bar, is their metabolism all funky. Will they get voted off?
If i was living with a bunch of other whiney fat people and all I did was get yelled at by a skinny trainer all day while working out for about five hours and then my reward was to eat a high protein low carb diet, i'd probably chew my arm off and then attempt to escape by clubbing the other contestants with it. Not to mention that blonde trainer, she's about as empathetic as a piranha.

Can't she tell that we can tell that she doesn't like heavy people - it's all over her plastic face. You can read her eyes like a book and the book says...'your a lazy bugger' But i digress. i admit that watching the Biggest loser makes me somewhat of a bigger loser and yet...there i am every tuesday night pressing the pvr or in your state tivo and recording it so that i can fast forward to the good parts.

I don't even have weight to lose but for some reason their pain and their gain through their loss of poundage is fabulous. I think it's because I like happy endings. Even though you get kicked off you win, they show a skinnier, happier person and I think wow - that's awesome. Now they can get the rest of their life back together which has probably fallen apart while they were away filming for five months.

Oh and in case you haven't watched the show and you are trying to lose weight - here is the secret to weight loss success. EAT LESS, EXCERCISE MORE AND HAVE MILLONS OF PEOPLE WATCH YOU WEIGHT YOURSELF in a bra top or with no shirt on. YUM.

yep - that's right if you fail everyone on the planet who has access to the tv or the internet will know that you are a lazy fat f*ck. Nothing motivates quites like international failure.

I'm off to eat some celery.

healthy is a full time job

i get up every single morning except sunday at a time when it is still dark out, the only other mammal on two legs whose on the street when i venture forth is the guy who has perfected the newspaper throw from his pinto, i'd say hi but he doesn't speak english. I know this because he yells at his wife the driver every fripping morning. If i were her i'd have run him over already.

Other than that it's the skunks, and the raccoons. It's fricking early. I get up at this time because i'm over 30. I don't do it because it's fun or because i like to see the moon in the morning or because i like to see the neighbours four doors naked as he gets the paper. Okay he's not naked but he wears lycra jogging pants so he might as well be naked. two words - nut huggers.

Nope i do it because i want to be healthy, stay young blah blah blah. No that's not true i do it because i feel like if i'm not healthy i'll be shitty or something like that. which i'm sure i would.

I don't mind the actual running part, that part i like, the sweating, the covering my watch with my sleeve so i don't notice that i've only jogged for five minutes and it feels like twenty. No it's the fact that the only time i can fit this lovely litle item into my day happens to be at 5:15.

i know all these people, tv and health gurus and the like tell us how important our health is; make the time to excercise, eat right, don't smoke, don't drink unless you're planning to get really drunk and for god sake don't eat biscuits or cake. I know.

What they don't mention is how much time it all takes. Being healthy is a shit load of work. You have to get up early to go to the gym, you have to drive the extra mile to get to the health food store to get the extra healthy non gmo stuff so your body won't be a toxic waste dump, you have to make this healthy food because unlike shitty processed food healthy food takes time. Yep being healthy is not time efficient or cost effective.

It probably costs like $12.99 a day for my ass to look this good, and that's not including the cost of my time or a shot of wheat grass. and truthfully i'm married so not that many people appreciate my efforts...

To top this off i'm trying to be more eco friendly, but don't even get me started. I spent an hour and ten minutes the other day sorting through recyclables.

At the end of it all on some days all i really want is a cigarette, a big glass of red wine with sulphates and a bb gun to hit the incessant raccoon that keeps getting into my compost. he's a fucker.

anyway i don't of course - instead i just have a fruit leather and wonder if i weight less does that decrease my ecological foot print?

Okay i found something great

Toronto like most bigger cities hides all it's good stuff, you can't just open a directory of parks and and find the best one, you'l find the biggest and probably the most touristy but not the the best by any stretch.
Last Thursday i went to a mid sized park by the name of Dufferin Grove, it's a Dufferin just south of Bloor. It is fabulous. It has everything a part should have. It has a sand pit with big shovels and logs kids can roll around or pretend to chop up, it has a wading pool that is well maintained and cleaned, it has a playground with cool climbing things and slides and it's all in enough shade that your children don't acquire skin cancer while enjoying their youth. It's awesome. To make it even better they have an outdoor cafe that serves coffee for sleep deprived parents and it has a old fashioned pizza oven.
The best day to go is Thursday when from 3-7 they have a really super fantastic market with food like fresh organic veggies, fresh bread (the oven is there) and even real hot cocoa and sprouts. If you blink you might miss this park but you'll be sorry you do.